Breaking The Revenge Cycle

Revenge has a way of feeling like justice, especially when the wound is fresh and the story keeps replaying in your head. We’ve both felt that pull to even the score, to say the sharp thing, to plan the perfect comeback, or to “make it right” in our own strength. But the more we chase payback, the more we find it doesn’t heal anything. It feeds anger, shrinks our peace, and drags us down to the same level as the offense.

We dig into what the Bible really teaches about retaliation and justice, including why “an eye for an eye” is so often misread, and why “Vengeance is mine, says the Lord” is not a throwaway line but a lifeline. We talk through Joseph’s story and how God can work purpose through real betrayal, plus David’s surprising restraint when he has every reason to strike back. Along the way, we unpack Romans 12, Proverbs, and the hard truth that our desire for revenge can reveal a faith gap: we forget our own forgiveness, choose self-protection over trust, and act like God isn’t in control.

Then we get practical. What do you do when you feel wronged right now? We walk through steps that start with prayer, not against someone, but for them, and for God to expose our part and soften both hearts. We also talk about waiting on God’s timing, doing good without putting yourself in danger, loving your neighbor, and forgiving as an act of freedom rather than a feeling.

If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review. What’s the hardest part for you: praying, waiting, or forgiving?

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Transcript

Prayer That Kills Anger

SPEAKER_01 0:00

When I'm praying for someone, it is hard for me to continue to be angry at that person. Now, if I'm praying, Lord, strike them with the fleas of a thousand camels, okay? I'm probably praying in the wrong home. Can I write that one down?

SPEAKER_02 0:15

It's good.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

And and so I'm I'm probably going the wrong way, right? Um, but when I'm sincerely praying, Lord, one, Lord, expose the sin in my life. That's key. Expose my part of this. Lord, soften their heart, my heart, allow us to work through this. It takes revenge out of the picture, very true, right? And so when I'm honestly praying about it, dude, in prayer, yeah, you're you don't have time to be angry about it. God is doing stuff with that in your life.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

The reality. The reality. With a real life, it's real faith.

The Bass Pro Shop Detour

SPEAKER_03 1:05

Welcome to the reality is podcast, where we're here today to talk about real life and real faith. My name is Joey. I'm joined here with Richard. And before we get started, could you guys do us a favor? Would you like, subscribe, share this with your friends, and ring the bell. That way you will never miss an episode of the Reality Is Podcast. So, last week I shared with you the story about how I was going into Oklahoma and kind of got airborne on the hills. Well, on my way back, like somebody, you know, they knew I took the trip and they I told them I stayed in Nashville, Memphis, Tennessee. Memphis, Tennessee on the way back. And they were like, oh, did you go to the big Bass Pro shop? Which I'm sure you know what a Bass Pro shop is. Oh, don't, don't, don't, don't. No, no, but so so I'm sure you know. But my question is, they were telling me that it's like I I guess one of the largest, and like inside they have a hotel. Do you know this? But do you know what they're talking about?

SPEAKER_01 2:02

Well, yeah, I mean, there's a couple of mega bass stores, if you will. Really? Yeah, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:07

And and like with hotels, and they said like inside, they it's decorated where you feel like you're looking out on the balcony and looking out into the have you been to this? Because you've been everywhere. Okay, you haven't been.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

I've been through Memphis, but not there.

SPEAKER_03 2:19

But you haven't been to that bass pro shop. So I've been to the one in Alaska, like the Bass Pro shop in Alaska, and it was a little bit creepy because they have every animal stuffed. Like if you just think of the animal, it's there and it's like displayed all over the place. I never really go into I have no reason to go into a bass pro shop. But are all of them like that? Like, do they have like stuffed creeping? Everywhere. That's scary, dude, to walk into a place and just see all these like dead animals staring. Like their eyes are open and like like the bear claws are like like it's freaky, man. And you're good with that. Like you walk in there and go, hey, look at this. I got a few of those on the wall. Yeah, I'm okay with that.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Exactly. It's just some strange things about you. Now you're gonna get me all kinds of hate mail for being okay with it.

Why Revenge Feels So Natural

SPEAKER_03 3:09

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to get you hate mail. I'm just not that anybody mails anyway, so you won't get anything. Emails, you're gonna get hate emails about this. Well, okay, so last week we were talking about vengeance and and holding grudges. I think it's a great lead-in for what we're gonna be talking about this week, because even in thinking about that whole podcast that we talked about for last week, revenge is kind of one of the things, and I've brought that up a little bit. Like, I want to see this happen, I want to see this get done, and and you're saying, well, let's let's actually talk about revenge, because I don't I don't know if there's like good revenge, bad revenge, Joey, don't don't take revenge at all. Because we literally said I I need to turn it over to God and let Him do it. Vengeance is mine, says the Lord. But I know that there's people out there saying, But I want revenge.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

And so what does that look like? You know, we've been talking about a lot of different emotions for the last seven or eight weeks, and and in that I I would argue that that revenge is is where it all comes to a head because it doesn't really matter what emotion has gripped us. In the end, we we want to even the score, right? And and so uh we've all been there where someone has wronged us, I gotta go back to, or we've perceived that they've wronged us. And and so what we want is we want to exact vengeance on what that person did to us, or what again, what we think they did to us. Absolutely. So I want revenge. And so what do we do? I mean, if we feel like we've been wronged, if we feel like that someone has come after us, we want to go back to, and how many times have we both heard this? Well, the Bible says an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, right? Well, first of all, that's a horribly misinterpreted text. The Lord is not doing anything there other than saying equal and fair justice. He's not necessarily saying you gotta go out there and knock a tooth out for a tooth, okay? But the whole point behind that is that the the punishment should always fit the crime. Yeah. Okay. Absolutely. And and yet when we've been wronged, we don't want the punishment to fit the crime. We want the punishment to be much worse than the crime. And and so we want revenge. Unless it happens to me. I want to really light that. Where's all that grace and where's all that mercy? You know. Well, society will tell you that you have every right to even the score. Society will tell you that revenge is normal and and that as you know, but what does God say? And and God tells us exactly opposite. Look, full transparency, I'm no different than the next person. If if I feel like I've been hurt, if I feel like I've been unjustly, unfairly attacked in some way, if I've been offended in the flesh, then revenge is the first natural response. Exactly. All right. Uh but the thing with revenge, in most circumstances, there is a window that you have time to get back to your senses, if you will, before you exact that revenge. Now, sometimes there's the immediate response, and and we get that that's that response of anger. But revenge is one of those things that we contemplate, that we we build up to. And so revenge, we have every opportunity to stop it at numerous places. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:36

I also think as I'm developing these things in my head, I'm coming up with more and more, I guess you would say, evil things to do to this person, right? Because that that's really what's happening. It's like, okay, this is what happened. Oh, I need to get back at you. Well, first of all, you don't need to get back at them. Let it go. But okay, we've we've gone past it. I've skipped over the I'm turning it over to God. Now I've got to get back at this person. But the way you get back at them is now worse than what this person did to you because you've been developing this plan. And how am I how am I really gonna get back? How am I uh I need to make them feel this like this? This one's gotta hurt them. And uh and I'll say it lightly. You do that with practical jokes too, right? I know spiritually we're talking like this, but but let's just take it like real lighthearted practical jokes. I'm a practical joker, you're a practical joker, people play practical jokes on me, and I find a way to one up the practical joke, right? I think that's the same thing with with revenge. Oh, this person did this to me. How am I gonna one up it? Right? It's never it's never the same level.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

There is no such thing as as winning, okay? It it is always coming back, and always. And uh, you know, so as we go through this podcast, my my real encouragement is keeping that in mind that there's no such thing as winning this. If you're a person right now where there's something in your life that that is causing you resentment, uh grudges, anger, hurt, all these emotions we've been talking about, why are you tempted to strike back and what do you hope to accomplish from that? It's gonna make me feel good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

But like I said last week, is it just for a second?

Vengeance Belongs To God

SPEAKER_01 8:23

But the thing about it is it's not gonna make you feel good. Exactly. Right? If you're a Christian, it's not because immediately is going to come the conviction of what you just did. Thank you. Now, unless you've locked that off in your life, right? And you've you've seared yourself up to that. So what do we do with that? All right, Joey, we have to start when we're talking about revenge, we have to start with a simple thing you and I've said so many different times on so many different podcasts, especially dealing with these emotions. Yeah, vengeance is mine, says the Lord. And that's step one. When when we read that, when we see that, then we have to understand that Isaiah 55, 8, and 9 comes into play in in these circumstances, and that is God's ways are higher than our ways, his thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and he's working a plan that we don't always see, and and we just have to get out of the way and let God be God.

SPEAKER_03 9:18

Yeah. The and I know this has to become a habit, but the first thing we need to do is go to God as a father. So so just think of this as a young kid. As a young kid, if somebody does something to you, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna run to my daddy and tell my daddy what you did. I just remember this on the playground. I remember being a young little punk kid myself. I'm gonna tell my older brother, I'm gonna tell my daddy, right? Why don't we do the same thing spiritually? Right. Because it's not a habit. We don't trust our heavenly father the same way we see our earthly father. If something happens to me, my first reaction should be, I'm gonna run to my heavenly daddy and tell my heavenly daddy what you did to me. And he's gonna take care of you.

Joseph And David As Models

SPEAKER_01 10:00

That's how it should be. Well, it's how it should be, but but but as believers, we know better. Okay? And so what am I going to do? Am I going to go to God and say, Look, what Joey did was right, but I don't like what he did. I don't like what he did. You know, so um it it it really and the whole thing is we miss the fact that we've got to give vengeance to God. Yeah. The Joseph story, I know it's one of your favorite stories in scripture, right? The Joseph story is a great example of that. Yeah, Joseph had opportunity to exact vengeance. Okay? He had he had the perfect opportunity on multiple occasions to do that. But instead, he let God do what God does. Yeah, right. And and if we could just understand that vengeance is God, and as you read back through that story and you look, in the end, Joseph said, you know what, you guys meant it for evil. You you guys really did do what you did out of evil intent, but God had a greater purpose for it.

SPEAKER_03 11:04

Yeah. One of the best lines in the whole Bible. If we can just get that mindset, if we can get that heart to say, Hey, you probably mean that to be bad for me, but God's gonna do a good work. Right. It was a look, I shared the story about David before. David's with his homeboys walking down the street, he's king. And brother's throwing rocks at him. And his boys, his homies are like, yo, man, you want us to go kill him? Like, we'll take him out for you, David. We'll handle this. And David's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. What if God put that man on the road to humble me?

unknown 11:44

What?

SPEAKER_03 11:45

Seriously? That's the mindset, though. That's where we need to be. All this could be happening, maybe because God wants to show you something.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

And and that's the thing, and and understanding that vengeance is indeed God's and and God, God may be working in your life, He may be doing something in you, His ways are not your ways. Proverbs 20, verse 22 says, Do not say I will recompense evil. Wait for the Lord and He will save you. Yeah. Okay. Look, if if I feel like I've been done wrong, the the the first step is is, and and I tell people this often, sometimes things have to be addressed immediately. And it's for it's for safety, it's for a testimony purpose. I mean, absolutely. Absolutely. But if I can put time and distance in there, backing off, praying about it, saying, God, here it is, you be God, let me get out of the way. I I will tell you there's freedom in that. There's there's people think, well, you just don't care. Well, honestly, it's it's I say I don't care, but it's more that it's not them so much as I don't care. I've given it to God.

SPEAKER_03 12:55

I think you said a key phrase in there. I prayed about it and I sought God about it. I'm taking the time. Not I'm just because what well time heals almost. Okay, yeah, great. Thank you. But this is what are you doing with the time? And I think that's key for what you're saying. If I'm just spending the time waiting for it to resolve, is it really ever gonna resolve in your heart? No. Take that time, pray, and seek God about it. Get into his word, let him speak to you. Trust me, when you do these type of things, God's gonna speak to you. You're like, you're gonna flip open the Bible and you're gonna read something, you're gonna go, What? Seriously? How is that happening? Because it's alive, the Spirit of God is speaking to your spirit, he will speak to you through his word. Let him speak to you.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Well, when you go back and you look at the things that we seek revenge for, when when we let God use them in our life instead, all right. So you you think about Joseph, okay, again.

SPEAKER_04 13:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

I'll guarantee you, when he was in that pit, he was probably thinking about revenge. Oh, yeah. Maybe he wasn't. I would have been, you know. I don't I don't see how you don't. And then you you know that when Potiphar's wife made the accusation against him, he was thrown in prison. Those days of prison, he had to be thinking about that, right? And even when his brothers came to ask for food, you know, I'd have been, mm-hmm. Oh, look, there's my brothers. Yeah. Hold on. So I mean, he did kind of play with them though. He didn't play with them much as I would. So but you see, I think all through that story we'd see where Joseph was able to look back, and and because he had to, at some point, he had to have given that to God and said, Lord, I don't know why all this is going on.

SPEAKER_02 14:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

But every day of his life he began to see God was using even the attacks of evil people for evil purpose. God was using that for his own glory and for his own purpose. And when we get that, then we can honestly step back and say, I don't need revenge. I need God to be God.

SPEAKER_03 15:07

Here's a very comforting thing in that whole story about Joseph for me. The comforting thing was you always read, and God was with him. Exactly. Right? God was I think we have to keep that in our mind. Even though you're going through something, and even though somebody has done you wrong, God is with you. He's gonna work it out for you. Turn it over to him and let God do the work for you.

Revenge Grows Anger And Pride

SPEAKER_01 15:36

Exactly. And you know, sometimes things happen in our life to put us in a place to be able to be used by God. Yeah. And and the way we get there is not always the way we wanted to get there, but God had a purpose and God had a plan. Absolutely. And and so I I think we we have to understand that. And and if we only realized what revenge does to us, and and I think there's a lot of reasons that we could say you don't need to be seeking revenge. And I think a couple of those that that we can think about in this whole idea. Uh number one, I I would argue that revenge increases your anger, it doesn't decrease it.

SPEAKER_03 16:19

Personally, yes. I can truly say I have been in that position. I have watched my anger burn more and more and more. Praise God, that was in the past. It doesn't look like that now. I don't want people listening, going, oh, really. Look, that's a that's a past, but yeah, I have been I would say victim to seeking revenge. Oh, yeah. Because I've victimized myself in that because I'm just getting angrier and angrier and angrier. And then we see again, I'm watching this person prosper and do great things, although they have done me wrong, and I don't want to see them. You're just getting more and more and more and more angry. Do you ever notice that the more you tell a story, the worse it gets?

SPEAKER_02 17:06

Oh gosh, yes. You know, yeah. I got a cut. Man, I slide, man, you should have seen it. It was down to the bone.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

Right. You know, I lost an arm. You know, I mean, it it literally goes from I mean, you know, you came in the office last week. Oh, don't go there, don't go there with the band-aid. With that horrific cut on your finger. I mean, we we about called an ambulance. It was so bad. And, you know, but by the time that story was over.

SPEAKER_02 17:34

You know, you know, and then when I had to, I was like, oh wait, I'm feeling really bad. I got the chainsaw. And when I was using the chainsaw, Jim, you had a paper cut. Exactly. Stop.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

I turned the page on my Bible and sliced my finger and put a band-aid on it. But the more you tell a story, yeah, right. Okay, so you take the the person said this, uh, and that's exactly what happened. But the more you tell that story, the more you become the victim and they become the the aggressor. Yeah. Okay. And before long, your anger is just totally out of control. And Joey, there is nothing anyone can do at that point to to to soften that. And you're not going to satisfy yourself until their head is cut off at sunrise, right? I mean, that's that's all that's gonna satisfy this. And Proverbs 24, 29 says, do not say, I will do to him just as he has done to me. I will render to the man according to his work. All right. That's nothing but vengeance, man. That that is that is revenge, and all you're doing is increasing your anger. Yeah. Proverbs 29, 11 is literally a verse that I I try to live by. All right. It says, a fool vents all of his feelings. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But a wise man holds them back. You know, I I tell you what, I really try, I try, notice, I didn't say always do it, but I really try to keep those emotions in check because anytime you're making an emotional response to something, you're gonna decrease, you're not gonna increase, increase rather your anger. And so you gotta let that go. And that's what revenge does.

SPEAKER_03 19:16

Yeah, I I I really try to. I I used to be a quick reacting person, like I would react right away, and and I'm trying, and I do believe by God's grace, I'm getting better at reserving myself and then reacting. But sometimes I I definitely want to what just happened, and I want to lunge. Right. And I've I've I've got to I've got to stop the reacting that way. And again, grace of God is helping me with that.

Overcome Evil By Doing Good

SPEAKER_01 19:41

Well, every time that I have responded in anger in my life, and and I really believe I can say every time, it it's never ended the way I wanted it to end. And anytime you lash out, it's it's going to become a problem. And yeah, and if you put that time and distance, if you put that prayer in there, that that time with God, and you let God soften your heart, then you can typically be productive in working through it. All right. Other than that, you're increasing your anger, you're not decreasing it. Another thing, revenge puts you at the same level as the offender. Exactly. All right. And at that point you are right there. You're in the mud with them. Right. And it it tells us again in Romans 12, verse 19 through 21, Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath. For it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, say the Lord. Said so if the Lord said it, then why can't we? Yeah. And then he says, If your enemy is hungry, feed him, if he's thirsty, give him drink, for in so doing, then you will heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

I have personally watched that play out in my life where somebody has done, and then you just continually be nice. You continually love not a fake, not a fake nice, but you're genuinely nice. You're genuinely loving, and you continually help them, and and they're getting more and more upset because they want you to be angry. Like they, it's like they they're waiting for the fight, they're waiting for this to the this back and forth, and and you're not giving that to them. And because you're not giving it to them, they're getting more and more and more upset. But they're doing that to themselves, right? Like, I'm not, I'm not doing it to you. Like, I don't know why you're so upset. Like, I'm just trying to help you right now. You should be, I can't. I'm sorry, I I'm not gonna get into that with you.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

There's nothing worse than trying to pick a fight with someone who won't fight. You know? Yeah, I know. And so you're you're trying, whether it's a verbal fight or a physical fight, you're you're trying to pick a fight with someone who won't fight. She's not doing it. And there you are, and you just keep working yourself up. And and it just keeps collapsing around you. And then and and then you you begin to really show yourself for who you are.

unknown 21:55

Right.

SPEAKER_03 21:56

That's key right there.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

And now I'm seeing you're you're putting yourself down. Out on a level. Another thing is revenge brings no reward. It just brings no reward. That's kind of what I mentioned last week.

SPEAKER_03 22:08

And it it's it's the it's worse for you. And especially, I think you said it earlier, as a Christian, because you know better, you've got the conviction of the Holy Spirit in you, and you you do this thing, you get the revenge that you believed was yours, and then you feel horrible for it. At least for me. I have sought the revenge, I've gone after it, I've done it, and then oh gosh.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

You know, I I keep going back to there was a situation in my ministry, and and there there was a guy, I I mean, he he made some accusations, he did some things, he I mean, honestly, I it was evident to everyone. I mean, and this is the thing. No one around me bought the nonsense. All right. But somehow or another, I thought I had to set this right. Uh-huh. Okay. Uh-huh. Now, when I said it right, I I mean, bottom line, dude, I put the guy in his place. I mean, I put him in his place, and I and I used all kinds of wonderful scripture and and and but at the end of the day, I lost so much respect in people's eyes for for the way that I allowed myself to be brought down to that level. There was no reward in the revenge. Oh, yeah. I mean, I won the verbal battle. I mean, I but at the end of the day, dude, I destroyed my own reputation and my own walk with God in the process. And so there's no reward. Okay, but congratulations. You won. I won. And you're just going, oh, did I really win? And well, you lose. I mean, you you lose every time. Exactly. And and so it's so important for us to remember that. Another thing is revenge does not belong to us. Yeah. Vengeance is mine, and we've said that so many times. You you stop and you think about it, and we we made mention of this a moment ago. But when when you return good for evil, the evil goes nuts, man. It really does. And then they attack you that much more because they're trying to figure out what your end game is, right? My end game is doing what God called me to do.

SPEAKER_03 24:18

And I don't understand it because you would just think on a normal level, hey, you're angry, I'm gonna be nice. You would think it brings the situation down, right? You would think, okay, it's gonna calm the other. And it doesn't, and I don't understand why. But but I I do because the Bible says this is what's gonna happen. This is what's gonna happen. But you still think in your own mind, it can't happen. Like this, I'm being nice. Right. Yeah, they're gonna be more upset.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

Well, but evil people want to deal with stuff on fleshly ways, and they they don't want to deal with it on God's manner, and so it doesn't belong to us. And and when we get that, then we are able to step back and say, God, this is yours. And you know another thing I would argue is revenge is not an act of love. And and the Bible says that we're to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, our soul, and our mind. That's truth, yeah. And we're to love our neighbor as ourselves. Yep. Uh so if I'm in the process of seeking revenge, I am not uh exercising love for my neighbor in no shape, form, or fashion.

SPEAKER_03 25:23

And so yeah, I I I've heard it said before. If I love somebody the way I love myself, then I would never do this to them, I would never do that. Like the and then he just went through all the commandments. He says, I wouldn't steal from them because I don't want anybody stealing from me. You know, I'd never lie to them, I don't want anybody lying to me. I mean, this this is that whole concept of as yourself, not just be nice for them because they're a child of God. No, no, no, no. He takes it a step further, and I love that he says, as yourself, because if I'm treating somebody the way I want to be treated, there's a lot of things that I would never do in that way.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

Exactly, exactly. And and so even if if if if I'm in a situation where I perceive someone did me wrong, then I want to still treat that person the way I want to be treated. And and that makes the difference.

SPEAKER_03 26:20

Yeah. Because if I did them wrong and I go, oops, right, how would I want them to treat me? Again, this is just that that mindset. It's it's a it's a different mindset, it's a biblical mindset, and guess what? Impossible to do without the Holy Spirit.

What Revenge Reveals About Trust

SPEAKER_01 26:35

Exactly. And and I would argue that there are at least three things that that our desire for revenge shows about our faith. Right. And and so I think when we back up and we look at it that way, first of all, the desire for revenge reveals our lack of understanding of our own forgiveness. The psalmist said in Psalm 32 and verse 1 blessed is he who trose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Okay. A transgression by definition is an act that goes against a law, a rule, a c or a code of conduct. All right. So blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven. So I'm so much better off to forgive than to hold a grudge, than to be angry. And and so when I refuse to re give to forgive, it speaks to my own spirituality. It speaks to my own lack of understanding, one of the forgiveness that I have in God. And then the value of biblical forgiveness as God commands.

SPEAKER_03 27:39

And that is key, and that is so important because I think we often forget how we were, right? And the Bible says, while we were sinning, this is what Christ did for us. And and and because of that love, it brought us to a new place, a new a new reconciliation with God, right? And and if we do the same thing, we can have this same type of reconciliation, but we but we forget that. We forget what was done for us and we just want to treat this person a certain way. No, God is saying, come on, the same love that I showed you, the same forgiveness that I forgave you with, which covers all your sins, right? It's covering all of that. You're forgiven, can you do the same thing? Can you do that same thing? Because what you did to me was much worse than what that person did to you.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

Yeah, and I think that's why it's so important that we realize that what we're doing is we're destroying the picture of forgiveness that scripture paints by doing that. Yeah, I I would also argue that the desire for revenge reveals our commitment to self-protection instead of trusting God. That's a faith issue, isn't it? All the way. That's a that's a true faith issue. I will fix this. Yeah. Right. And Proverbs 20, 22 says, do not say I will recompense or return evil. Wait for the Lord and He will save you. All right. So my desire for revenge is a commitment to self-protection over trusting God. And we can argue it any way we want to argue it, and we can, you know, as the old saying goes, you can slice it any way you want to slice it. But at the end of the day, Joey, it is it is self-commitment. It it reveals I'm going to make self-protection my most important thing.

SPEAKER_03 29:33

We're supposed to die to that, right? We're supposed to get rid of like all of this self-things that I need to do and I need to take care of. Last time I read in the Bible, there was this person that said, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that, and I'm gonna raise myself, and I'm going to. And then that person was shot down.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

Right, right. You know, right? In all the years that I've been a believer, I've never had somebody come to me and say, I'm gonna tell you something. I want to be like that guy. Did you see the way he even does score? Dude, that dude did him wrong, and and he put no, I've never had anybody come and say, Doesn't happen like that. But I don't know how many people I've had come to me and say, I wish I had a heart of forgiveness like that person had. So which picture are we painting Christ with? Yeah, exactly. And and so it's self-preservation, and and God doesn't call us to self-preservation.

SPEAKER_03 30:23

No, we're supposed to turn ourselves over to him and let him handle it.

SPEAKER_01 30:26

And I think a big one is the desire for revenge reveals that we just don't think God is in control. We we somehow or another think God, you have totally dropped the ball on this one. So it is up to me to step up and take up your slack.

SPEAKER_03 30:42

You're handling other things right now. Right. You didn't see what just happened to me. I mean, I get it, God, because you're so busy with everything else that's happening in the world. So I'm gonna take care of this one.

Pray Wait Love Forgive

SPEAKER_01 30:52

And you know, and glad to help you. Glad to help you. You know, just want to be helpful. I'm just trying to, you know, just trying to be helpful. And and so when we look at that, so we see there's these reasons or or the the disadvantages to it. We've we've looked at spiritually, Joey. There's no way we can argue that God's going to bless our our desire for revenge. So what do we do? You know, and and we got a few minutes left. So how do we how do we process revenge? How do we how do we not allow it one to consume us and how do we start building that relationship back instead of seeking revenge?

SPEAKER_03 31:33

Very true.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

I would argue, first of all, you got to pray for them. Yeah, you have to pray for them. Christ made it real clear in Luke 6 28, pray for those who spitefully use you.

SPEAKER_03 31:49

That's hard. Oh, yeah. That verse right there, pray for those who spitefully use you. Okay, let me let me just come to you, God, and I'm gonna start praying for them. For their I'll let you know how I want to pray for them. Because I've read some psalms from David. Exactly. You know, I want to pray some of those David Psalms over them. No, that's not what God's telling you to do. Pray for them, not against them, pray for them.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

But but do you ever notice that David never begins and ends in the same place? Does not. And I love that. You know, he yeah, he begins with Lord, here's the plan. Yeah, but he always ends with the mercy of God.

SPEAKER_02 32:28

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

Because here's the here's the reality. When I'm praying for someone, it is hard for me to continue to be angry at that person. Now, if I'm praying, Lord, strike them with the fleas of a thousand camels, okay? Um I'm probably praying to the wrong heart. Can I write that one down? Yeah, it's good. And and so I'm I'm probably going the wrong way, right? But when I'm sincerely praying, Lord, I one, Lord, expose the sin in my life. That's key, expose my part of this. Yep, Lord, soften their heart, my heart, allow us to work through this. It takes revenge out of the picture. Very true, right? And so when I'm honestly praying about it and and saying, God, and see, this is the thing. Instead of praying, God, fix Joey, right? I'm saying, Lord, Joey's offended. Whatever I did, expose that in my life. Let me see my part of this, let me make this right. Absolutely. Right? And and Lord, give Joey a heart to come back to this. Now I'm, dude, in prayer, you're you don't have time to be angry about it. God is doing stuff with that in your life.

SPEAKER_03 33:46

And that's just key in relationships with people, period. Because I've always heard it said, it's real hard to be mad at somebody that you're praying for. You can't be. It's right. You just you just cannot be. Like I could be mad at my wife, my wife did this, and I'll start praying for her and praying for her, and guess what? All that anger has just been put away. So, yeah, key.

SPEAKER_01 34:05

Pray for them. My my experience is, and I can just speak for me, can't speak for anyone else, but my experience is typically when I start praying for a circumstance and for a person, more often than not, God shows me what I did to create the problem. 100%. All right. So prayer prayer is where it has to start. All right. Yeah. But then you gotta wait for God. You gotta let God be God. And we've said that so many times. You gotta let God be God. Proverbs 20, 22. Wait for the Lord and He will save you.

SPEAKER_03 34:40

Yep. All right. I I have said so many times. I I kind of say this to people all the time. You've even heard me say this, and it's probably been said on this podcast. God always shows up on time. I am one of those types of people. I want God to show up maybe a few minutes early. Can you be like five minutes early? God, you know, like me, when I'm running my rehearsals, I always mess with my people. Oh, you're late, and they're like two minutes before rehearsal starts. Well, thanks for finally showing up. Like I'm like an early person. God ain't early. God's on time. And the hardest thing to do is wait for that for me, right? Is to wait for that on time. But guess what? I've recognized he always shows up.

SPEAKER_01 35:24

And and that's and that's without fail. All right. And so when you when you recognize that I'm praying and I'm waiting on God, I'm not telling God how to fix it, I'm not telling God what to do with it. I'm praying, I'm waiting on God. Yeah. But there is something that we can do in that process, be good to our enemies. You know, Romans 12, verses 18 through 21, we've we've read. There we go again. Exactly.

unknown 35:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:51

You know what? Pray for them if they're angry, if they're hungry, if they're thirsty. It is absolutely what we need to be doing. If we find ourselves in that circumstance, in that situation to where all we're doing is looking for revenge, all we're doing is looking for that that I want to be above this, then then we're losing every time. And we're not really praying about it. We're not waiting on God if we can't be good to the person.

SPEAKER_03 36:18

Yeah, because the Bible says, do not avenge yourselves.

SPEAKER_01 36:21

Exactly. It's gonna happen, it's gonna be taken care of. Now, being good to the person, we and I hate to keep saying this, but I think we have to go back to it, doesn't mean putting myself in danger. No, no, no. It doesn't mean setting myself back up for an attack, all right? But it does mean that I don't have to walk around slandering this person, I don't have to walk around talking about this person, I don't have to walk around angry at this person. Exactly. I can just say, God, this is yours. Yeah, I'm gonna leave it with you. Yeah. And and that brings us to love your neighbor. Yes, yes. You know, how many times have we said, love the Lord your God, love your neighbor as yourself? I mean, this is so clear in scripture. Yeah, if you're loving God as as you should, then that love for that neighbor is going to be there.

SPEAKER_04 37:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:00

I will tell you this, and and this absolutely a fact. If I'm not loving my neighbor, I can assure you I'm not loving God. It's that simple. But I live out on a farm, I don't have any neighbors.

SPEAKER_03 37:11

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 37:12

Well, ha ha ha ha.

SPEAKER_03 37:16

If you're not loving the person nearest. But I'm just thinking, people are probably going, I don't even know my neighbor. Look, look, look, we're not talking to the person next door. You know, you need to be loving the man at the table with you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

So if you love your neighbor, but I really won't, I hope our listeners heard what I just said because I think it's so important. If you do not love your neighbor, you do not love the Lord. You can't, all right? If I have sin in my heart. And when God says, I want you to love your neighbor as yourself, and I say, I'm gonna love most of my neighbors, but I'm not gonna love that neighbor, then what am I doing? Yeah, yeah. I'm doing exactly the opposite of what God called me to do. You say, but I find it hard to love that person. That goes back to the very first thing we said. Pray. Pray. You know, pray till God gives you that heart for that.

SPEAKER_03 38:02

And if you're not, doesn't the Bible say then the love of the Father is not in you? That's what he says.

SPEAKER_01 38:06

You know? And and and then that brings us to forgive, right? And we've talked about this over the last couple of months. Forgiveness does not have anything to do with the person. The person has every right in the world to receive or reject that forgiveness. It has to do with you saying, You're not gonna own me. I'm not letting this dominate my life. You're not gonna own me with this as Christ forgave me. I'm forgiving you. You know what? Everyone that Christ forgave does not accept the forgiveness of Christ. Uh very true. Right? Very true. It has nothing to do with what Christ gave, it has to do with what they received. That is forgiveness as Christ forgave. I'm giving this to you. If you don't want it, that's up to you. But you're not going to own me by my anger, by my hate, by my revenge, by my desire to even the score.

SPEAKER_03 39:00

And I think every Christian out there listening, even non-Christians, hear that because you just made a very profound statement. Jesus forgave everything. He, this is what I did for you. I forgive you, but you've got people out there saying, I don't want your forgiveness. Right. Hurts my heart.

SPEAKER_01 39:21

No, absolutely. It hurts my heart. And so when we get that, we we get the fact that people reject the forgiveness of Christ, they're gonna reject my forgiveness. But that has nothing to do with whether I give it. Thank you. It shouldn't stop me from forgiving. And I always have to remember Galatians 6 7, right? Don't be deceived. God is not mocked. Whatever man sows, that will he also reap. So if I'm gonna hold anger in my heart and I'm gonna refuse to forgive, then guess what? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm gonna reap. You're gonna reap that. And so I think it's so important we bring those things together.

SPEAKER_03 39:54

Man, that is just key. And again, last week we were talking about holding grudges, and this week I think you you you really wrapped that up for us. Revenge. Just don't. You can't. Just don't. You can't. No, no revenge. No revenge. Take it to God and and key one you said, pray for them. Pray for them. If they've done you wrong, pray for them. How do you do that? With the power of the Holy Spirit in you, because we're not asking you to do anything in your own strength. You cannot do this in your own strength. So, man, thank you. Wrap this up for me.

SPEAKER_01 40:29

You know, I think if if we could just honestly or be truthful with ourselves and realize that revenge is not really concerned with justice, revenge is served retaliation. That's that's all it is. And true. And if we can be honest with that, and and we can say that, you know, the Bible gives us wise guidance when we're wronged, how to proceed. We dealt with that. We dealt with that in detail. A consequence to a broken, fallen world is all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.

SPEAKER_03 41:00

Amen.

SPEAKER_01 41:00

And when I realize that that all includes me, and I realize I come short of the glory of God, that others come short, then I'm able to forgive as Christ forgave. And so that's what I encourage people to do.

SPEAKER_03 41:13

And that is a great encouragement. Thank you so much. And guys, thank you for tuning in and listening to the reality is podcast. We're here talking about real life and real faith. Would you do us a favor? Would you like, share, subscribe, and also ring the bell. That way you will never miss another episode of the Reality Is Podcast. For now, we'd like to say, God bless you and have a wonderful day.

SPEAKER_00 41:35

The reality.